


Endurance

by Naemi



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drama, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-24
Updated: 2007-01-24
Packaged: 2017-12-04 04:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naemi/pseuds/Naemi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reward of the afterglow is sometimes not enough to endure the ache of want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endurance

**Author's Note:**

> Written using [1character](http://1character.livejournal.com)'s theme set alpha (because it was too good to resist), which makes this 50 more or less related sentences.

 

_And if I pray, the only prayer_  
_That moves my lips for me_  
_Is—“Leave the heart that now I bear_  
_And give me liberty.”_

_[Emily Brontë: Riches I hold in light esteem]  
~~~_

**#1: Speak**  
The answer is right there, his words defined precisely, and he puts on his Oh Boy, I'm _Good_ grin, opens his mouth, but then Foreman catches him on the line once again, so he rolls his eyes and produces something entirely different, just because.

 **#2: Touch**  
Hushed moans and soft whimpers are all he can think about, yet he forces himself to focus on what she just said about whatever case House has just accepted; his lips curl into a smirk that almost makes her blush when she finally meets his gaze.

 **#3: Memory**  
Foreman offers to buy another round, and although he feels dizzy enough already, the Green Fairy still won't show and he needs her so much, wants her to take away the headache and pain and all memories that are left.

 **#4: Vanilla**  
The sweet scent lingers where she stood a minute ago; it fills his eyes, and a single tear escapes to burn his freshly bruised cheek.

 **#5: Chocolate**  
Her favorites: half of the box spilled all over the table and floor, the other half hastily stuffed into his mouth until he can take no more, and he gets up shakily, rushes towards the bathroom, tries to get rid of her once and for all.

 **#6: Ways and Means**  
She wears an air of irreconcilability, although she knows he spat it out just to hurt her _in return_ , but still, despite experience telling him they will kiss and make up once she decides to, he feels like lying in ruins once more, if only for her entertainment.

 **#7: Belief**  
The incoherent stammer of _ohmygodjesuspleaseohgod_ doesn't qualify as a prayer, but it's the closest he gets nowadays, and she is the only deity he needs, anyway.

 **#8: Linger**  
It's in their eyes sometimes, a hint of seeing him through, and then he hurries to focus on his crossword, his pen, whatever is within reach, to get rid of the omnipresent feeling of guilt; his co-workers never say a word, either.

 **#9: Illuminance**  
The first sleepy ray of sunlight creeps into his room, crawls along the carpet, and caresses his figure under the crumpled linen sheets, slowly approaches his lips to kiss him awake softly, and for the first time he sincerely wishes it meant goodbye instead.

 **#10: Ornament**  
Wearing the bruises with the pride of a lover.

 **#11: Coup de foudre**  
It hurts to see her in anticipation for her date this evening, but since he is definitely _not_ falling in love with her, he flips sunlight off of his lab coat and tries to remember how to make teasing remarks without sounding jealous.

 **#12: Archway**  
He fails to find a logical objection against going to the monastery for background research, and although his stomach clenches hard, he simply nods, switching to complete duckling mode as he grabs his coat and obeys, grateful to face his fears alone.

 **#13: Fate**  
He is determined to accept the challenge, but _this_ is as far as he can go as long as he is entirely on his own.

 **#14: Pulse**  
No bad day is like another, and this one is particularly horrible; he almost loses control over his car, for his hands won't stop shaking all the way home, and his eyes are blinded with unshed tears.

 **#15: Envelope**  
“I didn't forget, and I know _damned_ well how important it is,” he explains for the third time, finally throwing down the pen he has been chewing, and it is just then, meeting House's eyes, that he remembers the letter in question being stuffed into the inside pocket of his coat and that very coat being taken to cleaning later that day.

 **#16: Cold**  
Winter is something he has never really appreciated, yet this time he welcomes the first signs of snow, for as long as the weather explains his wearing loads of clothing he will not have to make up lame excuses for feeling so icy every time he steps out of PPTH.

 **#17: Need**  
Finally throwing him out of her office, Cuddy strongly advises him to _take some time off, Chase, and sort things out,_ to which he closes his eyes and fights the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall.

 **#18: Drunk**  
Hopefully, she won't cause him a hangover, for this one would be deadly.

 **#19: Mask**  
A depth he is scared of, a knowledge he wishes he didn't have, memories he pretends are not his own, and worst of all, a fatigue that tries to eat him alive, all of which reflect in his eyes.

 **#20: Rose**  
The red spot in the waste bin seems piercing; he feels like she disposed of him, and that's probably her message exactly.

 **#21: Two**  
He hates to admit he misses her that much.

 **#22: Fresh**  
“Goodness knows … you might be in love,” Foreman mocks her, and he can't prevent his own mouth from adding, “Yeah, or just a little stoned,” to which she must grin; suddenly he knows they're going to be fine, and he starts nibbling at his pen contentedly.

 **#23: Bribe**  
The reward of the afterglow is sometimes not enough to endure the ache of want.

 **#24: Error**  
“You shouldn't—” she starts, and he simply smiles and nods and lowers his eyes, not listening at all, for he knows everything is his fault, anyway.

 **#25: Appetite**  
Now that he's known real hunger, nothing can feed him anymore—not even she who caused it.

 **#26: Refrain**  
They're in that chapter again—the one where the hero prevents the beauty from doing something incredibly stupid—but considering that it's House talking to her, he assumes he must be the stupidity this time.

 **#27: Family**  
There will come a time of great regret, but since neither of them is capable of seeing the future, they decide against the responsibility now.

 **#28: Grieve**  
He doesn't know for certain whether or not it was his father's fault, but it's just so easy to claim it was, and now that his old man is gone, no one can prove him wrong.

 **#29: Vapor**  
Damp clothing, damp air, blurred sight, sweaty skin—he tries to pretend he's fine and still can't stop to curse House for always sending him to those strange places he's fascinated with anyway.

 **#30: Tea**  
Unused cups in the kitchen sink, opened cookie boxes on the counter, the scent of jasmine in the air, and she in the bedroom, alone with her sobs while he screwed it up again without even knowing how.

 **#31: Medicine**  
Sometimes, he is so sick of it all that he doesn't even realize he has stolen some until the welcome warmth kicks in, embracing him softly as he manages to breathe again.

 **#32: Moth**  
He realizes they share many characteristics, and in a sudden rush of disgust, he crushes the insect, feeling much better after.

 **#33: Perfect**  
His head is still spinning, his hands still trembling, but at least his sight is no longer blurred and his legs are willing to carry his weight, so he steps out of the shower and, wrapped in a towel, slowly pads out of the room, leaving the ache behind.

 **#34: Rope**  
Picturing himself as a child again doesn't stop the world from hating him, but at least he cannot hate himself anymore, and that definitely helps him face the new day.

 **#35: Wind**  
She slams the door shut behind her, almost making the frame shiver, and he can't help but repeat the action; he does it over and over again until he realizes he's been the center of the storm all along.

 **#36: Crossroads**  
She seems a bit blue today, so he teases her about having a crush on either him or Foreman until she smirks and with a saccharine, “I've thought a lot about Cuddy lately,” leaves him to vivid daydreaming.

 **#37: Summer**  
Picturing her sunbathing doesn't help him focus on the case very much, but since he tends to think they don't take him seriously at all anyway, he gives in to temptation.

 **#38: Candy**  
All he wants is one, only one, of those silly candy canes she's brought today, but she grabs his wrist firmly, and he looks up at her with a pout he knows she can't resist—only this time she _can_.

 **#39: Photograph**  
He hides it just in time before she can catch him in the act, smiling at him benignly as she walks by, and all of a sudden he hazards a derisory guess that she might have plans which he cannot see through.

 **#40: Spoon**  
Apart from working hard and being good at what he does, he was also born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and yes, that's the best part.

 **#41: Forest**  
A place surrounded by a comforting solitude that seems to cleanse the air and frees a heart and soul otherwise overflown with an all-consuming ache, where the earth smells of life and the sun melts away even the iciest of fears: such was his shelter, a long time dead by now.

 **#42: Mirror**  
It cracked when his mind did.

 **#43: Smoke**  
That dirty twilight sometimes surrounds him even when he is safe and warm, follows him into his dreams where he has to face her final breakdown over and over again, and when he wakes with a cry on his lips, he wishes he had not been her son at all.

 **#44: Shine**  
“They're teal,” she says with a smile, gently following the curve of his eyebrows with her fingertips, “teal and bright, and deliciously beautiful,” and closing his eyes, he gets lost in complete afterglow.

 **#45: Balloon**  
He feels a lot like Pennywise the clown, except that he didn't _murder_ the kid.

 **#46: Vine**  
Saying _I love you_ when she least expects it.

 **#47: Butterfly**  
Fluttering lashes hiding a broken soul.

 **#48: Gloves**  
Even though he is treating an emergency, the world stops turning for a single heartbeat as they both stand beside him to team up, leaving all personal issues aside.

 **#49: Venom**  
It's nice to be the one in power for a change—but it's cruel to see how little she cares.

 **#50: Remain**  
He picked up the pieces of his life for the first time when his father left, for the second time when his mother died, and now he feels like there's not enough left to pick up, so he simply falls on his knees and prays someone will notice.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the amazing **HoneyAndVinegar** and whipped into final shape by the wonderful **Moit** , who also made sure that all characters were returned unharmed.
> 
> [Visit my LJ-community [Bunny Bash](http://bunnybash.livejournal.com) to leave me a prompt at any time.]
> 
> [Feedback is love.]


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